We’ve all had it at one time or another. Ver­bal diar­rhea. Foot-in-mouth dis­ease. Call it what you will, but, inevitably, you will even­tu­ally say some­thing fool­ish to a date and really really wish you could un-say it.

The bad news is you can’t.

The good news is that it pro­vides great fod­der for my blog.

This is a list of my favorite funny (and scary) things that dates have said to me. These quotes are all true and all ridiculous!

10. “My room­mate loves beans.  Every time he eats them, he gets the worst diar­rhea…“
Why? Why why why why why why????

9. “That is your elbow, right?“
Clearly, he never took biology.

8.“I’ll talk to you later, hon…“
DANGER DANGER! Only 3 dates! DANGER DANGER!

7. “My mom told me to say that.“
Not the best way to fol­low up what two sec­onds before was a very nice compliment…

6. “Are you com­ing back…?“
Not actu­ally a joke.

TIE:
5a. “I’m not wear­ing pants.“
Also, not actu­ally a joke.

5b. “Why aren’t you naked?“
If you have to ask…you don’t deserve an answer!  (Read: I’m just not that into you!)

4. “So, are you hav­ing a good time? Is this date going well?“
Sounds inno­cent enough, right? Try being asked this every hour on the hour on the first date….and the sec­ond date…and the third…and the fourth…

3. “So, can I call you some­time?“
Again, this sounds per­fectly inno­cent, even good, right? Sure…except for the fact that this was AFTER I spent about 10 min­utes try­ing to explain that I didn’t want to go out with him again…Somehow he man­aged to derive some sort of encour­age­ment from that!

2. “So I need to apol­o­gize in advance about some­thing…. When we have sex for the first time, I’m prob­a­bly going to pick you up and carry you into the bed­room, but I might hit your head on the door­way, so I’m sorry if I do that…“
Thanks for assum­ing I’m easy – on the third, and final, date!

1. “I got so ner­vous wait­ing for you last time that I had to go and take more Xanax.”
Just what every girl wants to hear!