The bad news is you can’t.
The good news is that it provides great fodder for my blog.
This is a list of my favorite funny (and scary) things that dates have said to me. These quotes are all true and all ridiculous!
10. “My roommate loves beans. Every time he eats them, he gets the worst diarrhea…“
Why? Why why why why why why????
9. “That is your elbow, right?“
Clearly, he never took biology.
8.“I’ll talk to you later, hon…“
DANGER DANGER! Only 3 dates! DANGER DANGER!
7. “My mom told me to say that.“
Not the best way to follow up what two seconds before was a very nice compliment…
6. “Are you coming back…?“
Not actually a joke.
5a. “I’m not wearing pants.“
Also, not actually a joke.
5b. “Why aren’t you naked?“
If you have to ask…you don’t deserve an answer! (Read: I’m just not that into you!)
4. “So, are you having a good time? Is this date going well?“
Sounds innocent enough, right? Try being asked this every hour on the hour on the first date….and the second date…and the third…and the fourth…
3. “So, can I call you sometime?“
Again, this sounds perfectly innocent, even good, right? Sure…except for the fact that this was AFTER I spent about 10 minutes trying to explain that I didn’t want to go out with him again…Somehow he managed to derive some sort of encouragement from that!
2. “So I need to apologize in advance about something…. When we have sex for the first time, I’m probably going to pick you up and carry you into the bedroom, but I might hit your head on the doorway, so I’m sorry if I do that…“
Thanks for assuming I’m easy – on the third, and final, date!
1. “I got so nervous waiting for you last time that I had to go and take more Xanax.”
Just what every girl wants to hear!